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How To Get Drunk With Household Items

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How To Get Drunk With Household Items

You’re too stupid to number out how to use the Silk Road and the dog has eaten all of your weed again. How To Get Drunk With Household Items What are you gonna do? Well, in a sane world, you do what generations of stupid, bored children have done before you and reach for the medicine cabinet. A few of mom’s Valiums and a wine glass of NyQuil never hurt anyone, right?

Of course they haven’t, but then where’s the fun in getting fuck up if you’re not stunting piloting through whole new stratospheres of getting fuck up ness? The LA Times reckons that kids have been flooding into California’s hospitals after glugging hand sanitizer.

Apparently it’s not that good for you, with side effects ranging from diarrhoea and short-term memory loss to blindness and irreversible organ damage. But does it have to come to that?

Maybe not, because I spent a few minutes on Google and found a bunch of other things that I could, if I was insane, put in my mouth the next time I’m at a house party and the only stuff in the fridge are a few stalks of celery, some out-of-date hummus, and a couple cans of Molson Ice.

Ingredients

  • 5 x cups of Listerine Original mouthwash
  • 12 x mint leaves
  • 1 x tbsp sugar
  • 1 x cup of lime juice
  • 3 x cups of soda

First, I painstakingly placed mint leaves in the bottom of the glass. For some reason if your mojito takes less than half an hour to make, it’s not as good. Then I added my crushed ice, splashed in a generous dose of Listerine, some sugar, some lime juice, and shook it like I was a TGI Friday’s barman and my tip depended on it. Then I sprayed in some soda water and added even more mint, as if it wasn’t gonna taste enough like a halitosis cure already.

What did it taste like? How To Get Drunk With Household Items

What did it taste like How To Get Drunk With Household Items

You know when your mom told you to never swallow Listerine when you were a kid? Even though that refreshing, minty taste had you wanting to so much? It’s not because it was highly poisonous (well, it is a bit). It’s because she didn’t want you getting slamme before bedtime (its alcohol content is 26.9 per cent; about the same as a strong gin).

True, one report in the Emergency Medical Journal states that drinking mouthwash could (could) lead to: “severe anion-gap metabolic acidosis and osmolar gap, multiorgan system failure, and death,” which sounds bad, but these are the same people who claim Jack Daniel’s should be enjoying “responsibly.” You know, I could see this catching on; people sipping the green stuff on little tables on summer days, like a ghetto creme de menthe.

Dirty Baby Wipe Martini: How To Get Drunk With Household Items

Dirty Baby Wipe Martini How To Get Drunk With Household Items

Ingredients:

  • 1 x box of Johnson & Johnson Baby Wipes
  • 1 x tbsp dry vermouth
  • 2 x tbsp olive juice
  • 2 x olives
  • some water and ice

Don’t let the name place you off; the dirty part of this drink comes from the olive juice. First of all, I extracted the juice from the alcohol-soaked wet wipes. I did this by just lining the glass with it, like an antiseptic version of the napkin in the wine cup.

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